Im Gedenken an meinen über alles geliebten Papa

[Anscha]

hallo mein über alles geliebter papa,

in 5h gehts los in den westen. bin gespannt, freu mich sehr, it´s so
ambivalent. it´s totally incredible that almost a whole year has passed
since you died. daddy - our first real big summertrip without you and I miss you sooooo much. it really hurts. I cannot but keep on thinking what happened last year at that time. we went to dubai and when I came back everything changed. it was so cruel to realize that you would have to die soon. daddy it broke my heart. to see you suffering, to see that you would not cure again, to see you dieing was the most awful situation I ever had to stand. I wished so much you could stay with us for a few more years, that you could be with me at my wedding, but GOD planned it differently. HE knows why.

to come to that decision: not to ... broke my heart. the time was so exhausting, it was so hard! I wish I would never had to decide this... these doubts were so strong and I did not feel like a beloved bride. why did his mum destroy our relationship? why did he let this happen? why didn´t he realize how much I suffered, doubted... daddy - once upon a time I really loved him. but what happend? it makes me really sad when I think of the ten years we spent together, when I think of the last months we spent together. when I think of the good things and of the bad things. why? why? why? there is a strong lump in my throat. I wish everything would have come differently. I do not regret my decision - it was and it is the right decision although painful...

daddy - my thoughts are moanful. why did my destiny expect so much to me? why - why - why? LORD heavenly father - please hear my cry, hear my mourning, my sorrows and my grief. life is so hard. 2007 was more than I was able to stand. please lead me by your hand, give me the strength to go on, give me the power to get this life managed, and do not let me loose my courage to face life, please let us climb the most wonderful peak.

about ...... well - what shall I say. maybe it was wrong to hope, to think, to love ... I don´t know - Lord - I trust in you to lead me the right way here on earth until I will come back to you and also see my sooo much beloved daddy!

I have to go now, but will be back in around 2 weeks. Daddy - it´s unbelievable! I miss you soooooooooooooooooooooo much.
my heart sobs, hurts, aches... where are you?

I am looking forward to seeing you in heaven one day.

And you know that I will love you till I die.

With all my love
your little daughter
anja